Get all 16 Tez Howes releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Single: Howes & Cochrane - It Hurts As Bad b/w Fall Down the Cracks, Single: Lies in My Sleep b/w Gone, Single: Awake is the New Nightmare b/w Dominos, Single: Wake Up to You b/w Beautiful Crazy Heart, Single: It's Gonna Hurt b/w How Far Could I Fall, Single: Monica b/w O Samantha, Single: Genevieve b/w Tremble, Single - It Ain't Over til It's Over b/w The Nth Degree of Heartlessness, and 8 more.
1. |
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For Trudy, with apologies to Prince Rogers Nelson.
One more truly tuneless Tuesday
At the local record shoppe
Grabbed a tray of what the chickens lay
Steppin' light so's not to drop
Tried to spin one on the turntable
But it weren't no work of Proust
All the lyrics sound the same to me
And now they've all come home to roost
Well, I say damn the new millenium
Cause the muso's turned to shite
And I'm only gonna say it once
Shout it out with all my might
Welcome to the new apocalypse
Lurks inside of each new trend
Let's all party like it's 1999 again
The old rooster's on a rampage
And the hens are all a-cluck
Mate, yer thinkin' that's some lucky shit
But you're just shit out of luck
I got all these emo chickens
Safety pins adorn their ears
And my pulse begins to quicken
As I trade my tears for fears
So I say screw the new millenium
As the old notes set to rust
Yeah, I'm only gonna say it twice
'Fore our music bites the dust
Welcome, friends, to Armageddon
As our song comes to an end
Might's well party like it's 1999 again
It's time to party like it's 1999
All my chickens dead inside my head
And the smell sure ain't sublime
Keep all your eggs in just one basket
And watch the quality decline
Nothin' left but just to party
Like it's 1999
BREAK
By the time the weekend rolled around
All the eggs still in their trays
No matter what the Billboard charts declare
Can't give them future clucks away
But the emo hens just keep on layin'
As the inventory keeps decayin'
And my hair it's prematurely grayin'
I guess rock is dead is what I'm sayin', yeahhhhhh
So, I say fuck the new millenium
As the Notes all turn to dust
I am only gonna say this thrice
The new music's such a bust
Let's toast music's final curtain call
As the grooves come to an end
Shake a leg just like it's '59
Love in like it's 1969
Break out like it's 1989
One last party like it's 1999 again
_______________________________________
"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust
“You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe.” - Nikki Minaj
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2. |
A side - 2: Mexican Beer
04:53
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For Mercedes and Jools, my two favorite brunettes and beer drinkers, and in memory of Doug Sahm
Well, it started as a case of mistaken identity
As I looked across the bar and caught her eye and she smiled back at me
‘Cause I thought she was the cashier from the neighborhood liquor store
Where I'd bought myself a case of ol' Dos Equus just an hour before
And it turned out that she wasn't cause she'd just come here from Salvador
But I figured 'what the heck' and wandered over asking for a dance
She said 'No hablo Ingles' and I just about wet my pants
But she kept smiling til she said 'Ah! Entiendo!' and she took my hand
And she taught me how to tango to a honky tonk country band
And those Mexicana canas could stay home for another weekend
Oh my, what a find! Dancin' with a senorita so divine
I mighta stayed at home with a bottle of wine
And a cold case of Mexican beer
She didn't speak a word a English and I only knew a bit a' hers
So I said 'Te quiero mucho' and the strangest, damndest thing occurred
As she whispered in my ear 'Necesito besos, por favor'
And before I knew what hit me, we were waltzin' out the barroom door
I got a feelin' en mi corazon this boy has never felt before
Oh my, what a find! Walkin' with a senorita so divine
I mighta stayed at home with a bottle of wine
And a cold case of Mexican beer
She asked 'Donde esta tu casa?' and it took a while to realize
I was gonna take her home because she said it with those bedroom eyes
Well, I'm not a guy to kiss and tell but you can guess what happened next
‘Cause we surely woke the neighbors from the moment she took off her dress
You’re my sexy Salvadora, my south of the border princess
BREAK
Oh my, what a shock! To wake up in the morning this outa luck
Be a cold day in hell if you ever hear
This country boy drink another Mexican beer
Oh my, I'm out of my mind! How could Lady Fortune be so unkind?
That sexy senorita, she was never here
Just 12 bottle tops and an empty case of Mexican beer....
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3. |
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I got the COVID-19, better get yer vaccine, let’s all meet at Walgreens, umpteenth lockdown blues
I got the COVID-19, Marjorie Taylor Greene, makin’ yet another scene, imbecilic ass clown blues
I got the COVID-19, disappearing bar scene, musicians losin’ green, can’t afford our methedrine blues
I got the COVID-19, better wear your mouth screen or else you’ll face a quarantine, and underneath you’ll sport a frown blues
I got the COVID-19, unseen pathogen, better check your hygiene, scrub your face and hands clean blues
I got the COVID-19, case counts rising, not a bit surprising, gonna have a nervous breakdown soon
BREAK
Better get you booster shot, there’s too many that will not
Better safe than sorry, them’s the new rules
Anti-vaxxers, Q-anon, spread their lies so this hangs on and on
We’re all tired of being held hostage by these fools
I got the COVID-19, Q-anon scheming, anti-vaxxers screaming, social media streaming blues
They’re shouting COVID-19, “it’s nothin’ but a smokescreen, a dirty commie plot, we’ll all be eatin’ nowt but chow mein soon”
I got the COVID-19, “don’t take it, you’ll regret it, we’re fighting for your freedom, and you’d better not forget it, everybody spread the word, I read it all on Reddit, we’re talkin’ deep state, you’ll be Red if you don’t get it”
This tinfoil hat crap will make you crazy if you let it
It’s the COVID-19 umpteenth lockdown blues
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4. |
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(Words: t.h. gorman /music: t.h. gorman & greebly mork ©2018 teztunesmusic)
Well, you gone and done it wrong like you always do
If you were any dumber, you'd be livin' in the county zoo
I don't know how the hell you made it half this far
And I don't know why I bet on you
Well, you gone & done it wrong like you always do
Got up this morning, poured my coffee sweet and black
The universe said 'Tez, there's somethin' outa whack'
Once again you pulled that sweetness switcheroo
When you topped up the salt in the sugarbowl too
You went and gone & done it wrong like you always do
I made that left turn off the highway, you were sure!
It ended up we had to make three more detours
By the time I turned around and put 'er to the floor
We were almost outa gas, a 3-hour tour
Girl, you gone & done it wrong like you always do
You got it wrong like you always do
(What the hell am I supposed to do?)
You got it wrong like you always do
(What the hell am I supposed to do?)
Wrong again like you always do
(What the hell am I supposed to do?)
I just... gotta get away from you
BREAK
I gave you two little chores, just two little things to do
Take the cat for his comb, then get to the bank by two
Instead, you got yourself a spankin' new hairdo
And no-one's seen the cat in a week or two
Just one more day's SNAFU like you always do
Well, you gone and done it wrong like you've always done
If that head gets any thicker, you'll be idiot number one
I'll never know how the hell you made it half this far
And I'm finally glad to be rid of you
You went and gone & done it wrong like you always do
You went and gone & done it wrong like you always do
Yeah, you gone & done it wrong like you always do
Yeah, you gone & done it wrong like you always do
Yeah, you gone & done it wrong like you always do
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Tez Howes Moncton, New Brunswick
I'm just an old Canadian fart writing & recording tunes, trying to capture the vibe of pre-millennial popular musics, rock,
blues, jazz, funk, country, pop, etc. Lumiere and Knowhere are primarily indie pop, and The New Codiac Blues is a collection of blues-based tunes.
They're dotted with selected collabs with uber-talented friends in the UK, USA, Australia and Bulgaria of a variety of sounds.
... more
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